


I Don't Eat Alone Anymore

by Ac3s



Series: It's All a Part of the Learning Process [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Cute, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, M/M, ongoing, teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 22:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4642296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ac3s/pseuds/Ac3s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of their second year working together, and Frank and Gerard have some Relationship issues, with a capital "R" for Real.<br/>Gerard, being a dedicated loner, has some reevaluating to do about the priorities in his life. Meanwhile Frank has to deal with all the backlash that comes with being an all-or-nothing kind of guy.<br/>Who knows, really, if dedicating your life to someone is worth it?<br/>Teachers, more than anyone else in the vast majority of professions, know exactly what it means to dedicate your life to others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Eat Alone Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! My, it's been awhile, and I'm excited to introduce more of the intimate details of the relationship previously described in the first part of this series. Be warned: that one was cute and fluffy and quick, but its easy to write about the beginning of a relationship everyone likes. I hope whoever liked We All Learn... likes It's a Learning Process.  
> I know you all liked the Billie Joe cameo in the first one but sadly he does not make an appearance in this one. There will be more (hopefully not two more years later oops) so, watch out.

**9:30am**

Another year and he still isn't used to the manual labor that totally WASN'T a part of the job description. He supposes that its not too bad this time around, what with Frank being around to extort for some extra muscle in the classroom. It works out just fine.

"Done fanning yourself yet?"

"Depends, anything else left to do?"

"Get _up_ Gerard or start paying me for this shit."

"I think the benefits associated with your work reach far beyond any of the physical strain you're complaining about."

Frank just glares up at him and continues to push the tables into place. All the stools are up, no thanks to Gerard, and Frank practically impaled himself getting Gerard's giant easel into his van.

He casually brings up the near-death experience for what might be the third time since it happened.

"If I don't start receiving some kind of worker's comp I'm bringing this up at the next union meeting."

"I think actually bringing up our little arrangement might get me sued for sexual harassment."

Frank laughs to himself and mutters something Gerard can't quite hear.

A brush flies past Frank's ear, and he whips around in time to see Gerard reload.

"Woah! Come on! I didn't say anything!"

"Damn right you didn't."

It's more than a year later, Frank realizes, and he loves how much he can laugh with Gerard. He loves talking to him, he loves kissing him, he loves working with him. He loves the time they spend grading, and bitching about grading, and NOT grading- then bitching about not having graded. Somehow, it's so easy to spend time together.

When Gerard realizes that Frank stopped laughing, he looks at him curiously.

"Frank? You still there?" He's smiling, but it's that watery smile that's been showing up more often than not.

"I'm alright, just thinking."

Gerard looks down, self-consciously it looks like, and chews on his lower lip before looking back up at him.

"Anything you'd like to share?"

Frank smiles up from his spot leaning against the table's edge, just in front of Gerard's perch atop the desk.

"Well, last night we didn't finish our conversation."

Gerard looks away immediately. He huffs out a breath without realizing it and Frank feels like shoving his hands on his head and ripping his hair out.

This smile is more placating, demeaning in context but subconscious in execution.

"I just..." Gerard begins, quietly, and in the same tone he ended this conversation the night before. "I don't think we'll finish it this morning, either." He shakes his head conclusively, eyes wide like hes dealing with a little kid. He spreads his hands out and shrugs a bit, runs one hand through his hair.

"Why are you trying to shut it down so quickly? What makes you so uncomfortable about living together?"

Gerard laughs a bit, sounding bitter and annoyed and not at all like he should sound when he laughs with Frank. This feels a little more like he's laughing _at_ Frank, and he hates it.

He hates the way Gerard can be dismissive, callous, petty, and arrogant. When he's annoyed, he's all those things at once.

He hates the way Gerard doesn't seem committed in the way Frank is- wholeheartedly, without abandon, with a steadfast dedication.

"I don't think we should move so quickly. I understand you want to feel...settled, but its not that simple. Just wait a bit, Frank."

"What does that even mean?"

"Just- I told you we weren't going to get any further with this. Let's wait until we get home-" Gerard cuts himself off quickly, murmuring a quiet _fuck_ when he realizes-

"See? What the fuck more do you want Gerard? We're never at my apartment, and you already think of your house as _our home._ "

"It was a mistake."

Frank purses his lips together tightly, clenching his jaw and looking away angrily. Gerard regrets it so much already, he didn't _mean it like that._

"It's ok," Frank says quickly, pinching the bridge if his nose and waving Gerard off. "I'll drop it."

They stand in a heavy silence for a while, until Frank pushes off the table to go.

"There are still some things I need to pack in my room. I'll see you at 4." He kisses Gerard on the cheek and leaves without another word.

Their lunch plans, outstanding every day they had worked together, had dissipated with those last few words.

Gerard can't even be upset. What did he expect?

*

**12:00pm**

It's not like he doesn't want to live with Frank. Or at least, he doesn't _not_ want to. He's hunched over his desk a couple hours later, ignoring the open boxes and scattered items left to pack.

It's too much, and it's too complicated. Gerard is entering his 30s, around the age he expected to settle down in. He doesn't really care, he doesn't even want to think about it, he just wants to stick with what's familiar. Being alone works for him, and it's worked for him all his life.

He _loves_ being alone. He loves sitting in every room of his house with no possible chance of disturbances, he loves waking up in the mornings to no expectations, and going to bed at night (or early morning, oops) with no worries. He never considered himself a bachelor-for-life type, one of those macho guys with a "man cave" and a mini fridge in every room of the house. That's not what Gerard is about, but solitude is definitely the reigning master of his life.

Solitude...so where does Frank fit in?

This past year had been fun and easy and so unexpected for the both of them, but Gerard never expected it to go farther than that. A serial loner all throughout high school and college, bar the occasional hook-ups and dates that lead to nothing else, he wasn't even looking for someone to settle down with.

None of this is Frank's fault, and Gerard has certainly ensured that he was conducive to a relationship, but he feels taken advantage of. Coincidentally, in the music room, a lone music teacher feels the same way. 

*

**12:00pm**

Frank is sitting in the middle of the floor of the empty, spacious music room. There wasn't much to pack, his lesson plans involve a lot of internet, a lot of tapes, and a lot of worksheets. It's a bit more depressing than he had imagined. Some students had been pushing for after school music lessons or a talent show of some kind, which would definitely allow Frank to do more with the students and make him feel like he's actually _working_ and affecting some kind of change, turning on some positivity in what's already known as a bleak high school.

He wanted to talk to Gerard about it during the year but he was always too busy, or too fed up with school to talk about school, or just too caught up in himself.

Things with Gerard still seemed...centered around Gerard. Frank ended up telling the students No because he was too worried what Gerard would say about him spending more time in school.

He never even told Gerard about it.

Moving too fast seems to be Frank's M.O., but he's never seen the point of waiting some arbitrary amount of time to admit feelings or just come out with what you need to come out with. He's all-or-nothing, take it or leave it. Gerard just skirts around the things he doesn't like or want to make a decision on. Maybe Frank isn't being fair to Gerard, but it's not as if Frank would dump him for this. Of course he can take Gerard's feelings into consideration, but the lack of expression of said specific feelings is driving Frank crazy.

The general lack of long-term commitment Frank has felt from him makes him wary of dedicating more time at all in the relationship, and he regrets not having focused on work more. There's no more interest or illusion in the short-term anymore for Frank.

**

**4:00pm**

They're both walking towards the parking lot from different ends of the school, the unresolved tension still present in their minds.

Gerard didn't even bother finishing with his classroom. In fact, he ended up doodling on the back of the faculty training schedule. It looked like a mess of tangled vines and sad monsters.

On a little blank postcard he found, he had written "I'M SORRY" in bold, scary letters coming from an ugly, big-mouthed monster in a cave. It was all done in pencils, the only things he hadn't packed yet, and the dark, grey, and smudged little note looked about as sad as he felt. He's practically dragging his feet.

Frank was practically skipping. He caught the Club Coordinator on his way out and talked about reinstating a music club for students interested in getting details about lessons, suggestions for beginners, and a place to stay after school. Pansy was the last thing he wanted to put away, so he took her out to celebrate and played some old blues songs his dad had taught him as a kid. After all that happened the night before and again this morning, this was the best afternoon he could have asked for. He forgot he would even run into Gerard until he practically ran him into the ground. 

"Shit, sorry."

Gerard was still standing, so Frank didn't feel too bad about it.

"It's..." the postcard had flown out of his hand and landed in the asphalt when he accidentally lost his grip on it. "...fine."

Frank didn't notice what Gerard was staring at.

"I'm going home. I already finished my classroom so I won't be coming in again tomorrow. See you." Frank said quickly, climbing into his van. 

"I've got some of your stuff back here. Just tell me when you want me by to drop it off." The engine was already rumbling, and it looked like Frank was in a hurry.

"Yeah. I'll call you later." Gerard felt more and more like the crumpled up drawing on the ground.

***

**12:30pm**

Gerard left most of the boxes at the school the next day. He just marked them with the usual "ART-404" and "WAY" and "FRAGILE" that would inevitably be ignored all summer. The only supplies he brought home were his own. When Frank had said he was going 'home' yesterday, Gerard had assumed...

But that was his own fault.

He started smoking more and realized when he went home after a couple hours of sorting out the boxes that it was due to him having stopped eating.

This happened sometimes, he would usually just forget and then eat a snack to tide him over, but his stomach hurt so much that he wasn't even hungry anymore. He hadn't called Frank; he kept thinking of that drawing on the parking lot. He looked for it before leaving, and found it in a couple pieces.

The pieces were now safely residing atop the precarious perch of overflowing trash in his wastebasket.

The house felt...too small. Too small and too big all at once. Too thick and too thin, too empty and too full, too silent and too loud.

Guilt was eating at his intestines, along with hunger and cigarette smoke. The phone rang, but he was too tired to answer.

He hated being alone.

*

**12:35pm**

A prerecorded voicemail message cheerily greeted Frank, and he hung up, annoyed out of his mind.

When Frank really thought about it, he realized that their relationship had been fine before he even brought up moving in together. It wasn't _fair_ of Gerard to act the way he did, secretive and affronted as if being together for over a year was the equivalent a week. Frank knew what he felt, and he was sure that Gerard had felt the same...

Did it matter really?  He could deal with the shitty apartment, but the idea of Gerard not trusting him or not...feeling enough for him to share a bigger part of his life, he couldnt deal with.

Frank's stomach growled.

It made him want to stay in bed forever.

He hated eating alone.

**

**2:13am**

Gerard almost wanted to look up who invented the 24hr business just to find a way to publicly praise them, but he didn't have enough time. The theatrics were _absolutely_ necessary, he had convinced himself. At the dollar store, he picked up one of those plastic brooms and took the head off. He found a big bandanna and tied it on the end- hobo knapsack style. The previously torn drawing was now amended with clear tape, and had he had erased some of the smudges. 

Packs of cigarettes strewn about the car and nails bitten down to the cuticle, he was driving in the early hours of the morning to Frank's apartment. He felt like such an _asshole_ when he could barely remember where it was, but most days he gets lost on his way to Belleville, too.

The smell of the fast-food he picked up from yet another 24hr joint made him want to puke, but the cigarette smoke masked it fairly well. He still couldn't eat, but he had a plan.

He hoped it wasn't too late.

Practically crashing into two cars at once, Gerard parked as quickly as possible and narrowly avoided ripping his fingertips off. Gathering everything into his arms without a second thought, he buzzed Frank's apartment.

There were long, scary moments in between the groggy "-the fuck? Hello?" and Gerard was considering just puking to get it over with until he could finally breathe a sigh of relief and beg Frank to let him in.

"Frank! Frank, its me- and I- Listen I know it's late and I'm sorry but there's-" he started coughing and couldn't stop. Hot tears stung as he tried to regain composure but he just kept thinking about how much he fucked up, and how it didn't matter that he used to like being alone, because he doesn't now! Frank needed to _know_ that though-

When he finally could breathe again, the door to the apartment complex was still locked. The disappointment felt so harsh at the pit of his stomach, and he didn't even want to _move._

Until he saw Frank running down the steps inside the building. Gerard smiled weakly and knocked on the door, trying to look cute as he was literally on his ass outside with all his stuff on top of him.

Frank opens the door, looking incredibly ruffled and like he was yanked out of bed.

"Gerard! Are you alright?? What the fuck happened?" He looks so _worried_ that Gerard just wants to kiss him until the wrinkles of worry disappear and all there is is just his young, incredible face that he gets to touch and see every day. He starts to laugh and can't even get up, and Frank has to grab his arm and pull him on his feet.

"I'm- sorry I'm really-"

"You aren't drunk, are you?"

"No! I'm just....REALLY hungry Frankie."

Frank just looks at him, caught between shocked and amused.

"So you...came here?" Now he's smiling, biting it back in disbelief to try and mask how happy he is to hear that.

"I had to see you. I don't like not being with you."

Frank lets go of Gerard and steps back a bit, eyes downcast.

"Lets go inside, Gerard."

They climb the steps up to the second floor in silence, Gerard getting dizzy with each step and Frank getting annoyed.

Once inside, Gerard sets down the food, and hold the postcard and knapsack-on-a-stick.

Frank stares expectantly, but he's fighting a smile.

Gerard smiles wide and puts the stick over his shoulder, then hands the postcard to Frank.

He takes it, and traces the outline of the monster's pouty face with his pinky. He really can't help smiling now.

"Turn it over, please."

Frank raises his eyebrows slightly and does just that.

_Frankie:_

_I'm sure you've gotten to know this after spending some time with me,_

_but I love being alone._

_I can't help wanting to just disappear for awhile._

_With you, I can do just that._

_I didn't realize it until I sat in my big, dumb, empty house._

_I saw you everywhere._

_You just...fit. I didn't think anyone could._

_I can't even EAT alone, now._

_You make me want to be a better person._

_So..._

_Lets be alone together._

Frank really hopes he doesn't cry as hard as he feels like he's going to.

He feels so happy that he doesn't have to _choose_ now, that he can have his life and his career and Gerard _with him._

This time, he tackles Gerard on purpose to hug him hard enough to express his sentiments.

They're both laughing like they're supposed to, and Frank kisses him quickly before catching a whiff of the bags Gerard brought with him.

"Whatever you have in there-" he says, pointing, "-you better be willing to share. I am _starving._ "

Gerard smiles and takes out burgers, fries, diet cokes, and Pocky. Two of each of course. He tilts his head at Frank.

"You're starving?"

"I hate eating alone. I'm glad you came to your senses before I accidentally starved myself."

"Well, I'm gonna have a lot of times when it takes a while for me to come to my senses...are you ok with...living with that?" Gerard asks, tentative and hopeful.

Frank is practically on top of him within the minute, kissing anywhere he can reach and smiling so big he can barely kiss right.

*****

Another move and Gerard still isn't used to the manual labor that totally WASN'T a part of the job description. It's better this time around, though, because Frank is running past him up and down the steps of the apartment complex, poking him in the sides and kissing him on the cheek as he runs past, absolutely giddy. Gerard stops to catch his breath and laughs, open and happy. The apartment is almost cleared out entirely, and Frank _loves_ the idea of finally being in a house. He insisted they buy a new bed- "Is this the same one you had in your parents' basement? Come on, Gerard"- and Frank loved the new one so much (and the lack of argument against buying it) that they "broke it in" every day leading up to Frank's lease on his apartment ending. He sold most of his furniture, and took Gerard out on IKEA trips too fawn over new pieces. Their only coffee table books are IKEA catalogs because Frank "can't decide so quickly in-store!" 

In the summer evenings, they enjoy their dual-solitude with an ease Gerard never thought possible.

He loves sitting with him, sleeping next to him, waking up next to him. He loves drawing him, painting him, writing about him. He loves listening to him, talking to him, sharing everything with him.

He loves Frank, and while it's been an effort to adjust to living with someone, its been effortless to adjust to loving someone.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think this is the end :) leave some comments and tell me what you wanted to see more of.


End file.
